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Dear Cats
by Deborah Barnes
Dear Cats:
It's your human tenants here (i.e., slaves) who just have the tiniest, itsy bitsy request of a favor from you,
if you don't mind. When we come in from outdoors -- whether it be after a long and grueling day at work, or a
quick trip to the grocery store -- can you please refrain from standing by, and blocking the other side of the
door, waiting for us to open it, rendering it virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get in the house without either worrying
about one of you escaping to the outdoors, or stepping on you.
Cat Mob!
Copyright 2010, ZeeZoey Partners, LLC
We do understand and appreciate that you are hungry and are excited to see us, but we generally have our hands
full -- things such as a purse, briefcase, lunchbox, or heavy bags of groceries (yes, including cat food and
cat paraphernalia) and it is very difficult to walk in an uninterrupted and safe manner without the possibility
of tripping because of you swarming us and walking under foot. Perhaps you could just walk in a safe distance
ahead of us, or maybe you could walk to the side of us, or even behind us. It really serves no useful purpose
whatsoever having you directly in the path of our feet, unless it is your intent to have one of us trip and fall.
We really don't get to the kitchen any quicker to feed you by this congested traffic pattern of cats. And to be
fair, collectively there are seven of you -- that's twenty-eight paws in total that our four legs have to
contend with.
And since we're on the subject, if you don't mind as well, maybe you could NOT walk underfoot first thing in
the morning when we wake up. We are already groggy, have had no coffee, and it is dark. Stepping on each and
every one of you as we make our way to either the bathroom or kitchen is a bit hazardous. You know we get out
of bed every morning at the same time -- how about you just wait for us in the kitchen to feed you instead of
getting underfoot and causing us to lose balance as we try to walk? Do you really enjoy having us step on your
tail? Your meows of pain would suggest otherwise. It's just a thought, but how about we try it as an experiment
one morning to see how it goes? And really, we don't want to have to resort to such strong measures, but we
will retain a lawyer and file a suit with you if one of us does slip and fall. Since we manage the bookkeeping
here and you don't, we know you don't carry cat liability insurance and could not possibly afford to be sued.
Just something to keep in mind...
Anyhow, we thank you for your time and consideration of this very serious matter. As always, we remain ever
steady servants to your every whim and desire and bow to your obvious superiority. We also want to thank you
for letting us share space with you in our own home that we pay for. We also continue to gladly pay for your
food, vet trips, endless toys, as well as to supply you with unlimited love and to spoil you from sun up to
sun down, even while you get underfoot.
Regards,
Dan and Deb / Your Humans
The "Cat Hooligans" don't look too happy with these requests!
Copyright 2010, ZeeZoey Partners, LLC
Deborah Barnes currently resides in South Florida and after an unexpected life-changing event, she decided to
follow her dreams of becoming an author, using the relationship of her cats as inspiration for her first book.
She is also the author of the popular blog, Zee & Zoey's Chronicle Connection. Visit Deborah at:
http://www.zeezoey.com.
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